Tokyo (Open Thread)

[Deleted]

Nathaniel's black boots clicked on the ground as he walked down the street. The bright moonlight shone down on his small form. It was late into the evening and most people were asleep in bed at this time. Not Nathaniel, though. He had fallen asleep under a tree in the park and had woken up late. You'd think his parents would be worried sick about him or calling the police by now...but no... They didn't care and Nathaniel knew this. In fact, they weren't home. They were vacationing in Paris at the moment. The only people at home right now were the help and his siblings. He knew his siblings were probably doing their own things right now and the help weren't paid to babysit him.

Nathaniel was not their responsibility. That's why he had learned to take care of himself. He had realized a long time ago that he didn't have anyone he could count on in this world. He only had himself and that was all he needed. People hurt you, so it was better to stay away from them. If you kept your heart closed and didn't let anyone in, you were safe. So, he'd never let anyone in, even if it meant always being alone.

Nathaniel's blue eyes blinked with confusion as water started to drip from the sky. He looked up and sure enough, it had started to rain. He loved the rain. No one knew this, though. No one really knew anything about him. No one had ever bothered to ask. He loved to stand out in the rain and get wet. It was stupid and childish, but it was something he liked.

Nathaniel felt his short, light brown hair stick to his face as it was soaked wet. His once baggy clothing clung to him like a second skin, showing off every curve in his body. He was glad the streets were deserted, he probably looked a bit crazy. What kind of person walked around in the rain? Most people would have found shelter by now, but then again, Nathaniel wasn't like most people.

He'd been told on several occasions that he was "weird" or "creepy." Maybe it was because he didn't act like anyone else his age. He wasn't concerned with clothes, the latest bands, and didn't like to socialize. He was the type of person that tried to be as invisible as possible and never spoke to anyone unless it was important. In fact, being unnoticed and invisible was Nathaniel's goal in life. It seemed like his only friends on life were books. He was always reading something or writing new plot for a novel he was going to write. Nathaniel loved to write and he wanted to be a writer someday.

His paperback was soaked and the words were smeared, but Nathaniel just stared at it and let it drop to the floor. It had started out good, but then, it had gotten stupid. The man had fallen in love with a woman and the story had taken a romantic twist. He had heard everyone at school talk about it and had decided to read it himself. He wasn't one to go on the bandwagon, but everyone had made the book sound so interesting.

Love. What a fake word. There wasn't such thing as love. It was an illusion and no matter what other thought, it wasn't everything. He didn't believe in love. He would never fall in love. Love was unstable and unpredictable. It wasn't as pure and clean as everyone thought it was. People got hurt and tears were shed. No, love wasn't for him. Nathaniel continued to lose himself in his thoughts as he walked away from the damaged book and in the direction of his home.

It seemed, though, that the walk home seemed much longer than usual. Maybe this was sue to the fact that he was walking so slowly. His shoes were soaked and ruined. No worries, he'd just hide then and no one would ever know. The rain continued to pour and Nathaniel was completely wet. His eyes stared straight ahead and he kept silent. He looked like a zombie wandering the streets. He looked...sad. He wanted to hide it so badly...but he was sad. Maybe if he tried hard enough, no one could see what was really in his heart.

[kiegan]

Kiegan pulled a face as long strands of soaked hair irritated his nose. No matter how many times he brushed his hair back, how he tied it up, how wet or how dry it was… a few stray rebellious strands always managed to worm their way onto his face with the sole purpose of irritating the hell out of him.

Just his luck. He had joined a strange tour that claimed to tour the backwater planets of the universe. Up until today the trip had been rather fascinating really. They had arrived on ‘earth’ it was called, a week ago and had traveled from continent to continent to get a ‘feel’ for the various cultures.

Their final stop? Japan. Why did it have to be raining when he had heard so many wonderful stories about the sheer beauty of this place…

They were leaving the next day and Kiegan really hated to miss out on something he had heard so much about. He really wanted to see the architecture in the beauty of the morning sunshine, giving it a magical feel, the sheer beauty of Sakura blossoms tinted a faint pink by the gentle rays of sunlight, dancing in a gentle breeze.

A paperback upon the ground caught his attention. Kiegan paused, picking the soaked, desecrated object. He frowned. Who would damage a book? A book that held words of someone’s hopes dreams and views on life. He squinted at the book, trying to make out the smeared text upon it. Giving up, he pocketed the book, intending to dry it out before further damage occurred so he could read it. Hopefully most of the inside would still be intact and he would be able to read some of the book later.

Shrugging, Kiegan decided to hell with the rain. He would enjoy this no matter what. If nothing else, this was an amazing adventure. Breathing in deeply he savored the fresh scent of sweet rain. The scent of life and new hope.

He crinkled his brows in puzzlement as another scent caught his attention. A scent of warmth among the cold. Someone was out and about. Kiegan smiled. Maybe this person could point him to some points of interest so that he could make the most of the short time allocated to him. He gently loped off in the direction of the scent, moving swiftly and silently.

Turning a corner he froze. Just before him he could see a slight figure walking dejectedly in the rain, unbelievable pain and sorrow echoing off of him. Something deep drew him towards the slight figure. He wanted to ease his pain. Hold him. Comfort him. He silently followed, slipping into step beside the figure. “Daijobu?” (Are you alright?)

[Deleted]

Nathaniel turned his head a little. There was...someone speaking to him. It took him a few moments to realize that the person was expecting an answer. Few people talked to him, so he had never really learned the art of sharing a conversation with someone. He usually ignored what people said since most of the time, the words weren't directed at him. Nathaniel nodded his head slightly. He wondered why this person was talking to him. No one ever talked to him. Didn't this person realize he wasn't worth talking to?

That's what they all said. He was worthless...and if everyone said it, then it must be true, right? If someone told you something every day of your life...then...it had to be the truth. His whole family told him that and they couldn't all be wrong. Why did he keep going? Why did he keep living? Sometimes, he wondered what kept him from giving up? It was so easy...to just die...and fade away...so why did he continue living in a world that had no use for him? Maybe...he was just scared to die. Yes, maybe that was it. Fear was probably the only reason he was alive.

The thought of becoming nothing was a scary thought. To be forgotten and to have your existence erased... Maybe, someday he'd stop being scared and finally go through with it. Nathaniel went back to facing the street in front of him and began to walk away. He'd better get out of the rain. He had homework to do anyway. Nathaniel returned to his original task of walking home, the person behind him forgotten at the moment, just like he'd be someday...forgotten. The word was also frightening, but true nonetheless. He'd never done anything important and he wasn't remembered even now as he was alive, so when he died...he'd be lost from people's minds. He knew this. Someday, everyone would forget he had ever even existed.

"You should get out of the rain," Nathaniel stated quietly. "You'll get sick."

The sounds and flashes of thunder and lightening had snapped him out of his thoughts. He had remembered there was a person behind him and he supposed he should say something to the person. After all, he had asked if he was alright and that was most than most people did. He was grateful for it, but he had no need for pity. He could take care of himself and he didn't want to seem like some sort of charity case. He hated the look in people's eyes when they looked at him.

They felt sorry for him because he wasn't as talented as his siblings. They acted as though he'd never amount to anything. It was unfair and he knew that if this person were to act like that, he'd cry. He never let anyone see, but he cried a lot. He didn't want to seen weak, but he knew he was. He was weak and pathetic. That was why, he was meant to be all alone. He didn't deserve anyone. Nathaniel speed up his pace a tiny bit. He wasn't going to cry. No, he just had to get home now. He wouldn't cry.

[kiegan]

Kiegan looked at the soaked boy before him. The boys entire boy's body cried out to him, waves of pain and despondency overriding any and all of Kiegan's emotions, confusing his senses. Waves of bitterness, sadness and hopelessness flowed through him. However, what hurt the most was, he knew all of this was flowing from the small body standing before him.

Kiegan wondered what the boy could have gone through to make him seem so lost, so full of pain and despair. A surge of protectiveness rushed through him, stronger than any he had ever experienced before. He grabbed the boy, wrapping him up in his arms, wanting to simply protect him from the world and everything in it. He breathed in the boy's scent without realizing it. "It's okay... I rather like the rain. Everything is so much cleaner afterwards."

He could feel the small fragile body shake in his arms. He was amazed at how small the boy was. He was smaller than Kiegan himself which was more than surprising. It was the first time Kiegan had met someone like that. The boy looked as if he were about to break, so Kiegan whispered softly into his ear. "It's okay to break sometimes... as long as you let someone pick up the pieces."

[Deleted]

Nathaniel stiffened at the touch. It wasn't like he was afraid to let people touch him or anything...it was just new to him. He had never really been hugged before and it wasn't every day random strangers were nice to him. In fact, he had thought this man would have just moved on and left him alone. He hadn't expected the man to hug him. It was surprising and unexpected. Nathaniel wasn't surprised very often. He always knew what was going to happen next in his life. Every day, it was the same thing. It was a routine, it was safe. He never had to take risks or think about anything. Life was all set out for him.

As long as he didn't say anything and stayed invisible, nothing would change. His life would be the same always and nothing new would ever happen. Change was bad. If change were to occur, everything would get thrown out of proportion. Nothing would be right in his world. Change was definitely not good...yet...with one hug...this person had sent his entire world spiraling out of control. Why hadn't he just ignored him like everyone else? When people looked at him, they didn't really see a person. They just say something that was there...something not worth paying attention to... he could deal with that. He had learned what to do in those situations. he had no idea, however, what to do right now.

"Some things can't be fixed...so don't try..." he whispered.

What did it matter if he was broken? Why did this person care? It wasn't like he could be fixed. People like him weren't meant to be fixed. They were supposed to always be broken. Besides, it wasn't like this person could solve all his problems in five minutes. The man was definitely not a resident of Japan. His appearance just screamed tourist and the way he spoke was a dead giveaway. He probably wouldn't see this man again. He was glad he had been nice, though. No one had ever been nice before, so he was grateful for that.

"I...have to go home now..." he said suddenly.

It was true. He'd been outside in the rain for god knows how long and it was about time he headed home. No one would notice if he stayed out all night long, but he had to get home anyway. Sure, if he suddenly went missing and didn't come home for like three days, they'd worry, but otherwise, they really didn't keep track of what he did. But, he was cold, and it was very wet outside. He wanted to change his clothes and get ready for school tomorrow. He had lots of things to do. He had wasted enough of this person's time too. He had probably felt sorry for him. Maybe that was it, maybe he had stopped to make sure the pitiful boy was alright.

He didn't want pity...no... He had to leave now. His vision was already becoming blurry and he knew it wasn't because of the rain. There was water running down his cheeks and he knew they were tears. He was crying again. He had promised himself he'd never cry in front of someone else, or show his weakness...yet...he was crying right now. He was crying in the arms of a complete stranger. He probably seemed like a moron. he wanted to order his eyes to stop making those tears, but they wouldn't listen to him. Why weren't they stopping? This all hurt too much.

[kiegan]

Kiegan felt the small boy in his arms stiffen, a sharp pang lacing through his heart. Why did this boy’s rejection hurt so much? The boy seemed so uncomfortable, so surprised. Almost as if affection were a foreign concept to the child. That thought hurt far more than the rejection had. Why would such a young child be afraid of affection? Distrustful of it… hurt by it?

Sensing the turmoil and great conflict emanating from the slight figure, Kiegan drew him closer, something in him demanding he never let go. Somewhere in the back of his mind a small voice demanded he protect his mate. Demanding he bring his mate to happiness and ensure no one ever hurt the little mate in his arms ever again.

Kiegan’s mind backtracked. Mate? It couldn’t be… not now… not here. The boy was certainly no older than 16. Doing anything to him at this stage would label him a pedophile. He withheld a possessive growl that threatened to escape his throat. Anger surging through him when the little one said that some things could not be fixed. Blinding rage directed at the ones that made the little one feel so broken. He clenched his fists tight, in an attempt to control himself lest he scare the precious person in his arms. For the small boy was exactly that. Precious. The most precious thing in all of everything to him.

“Please don’t go.” Kiegan whispered at the boys words. He didn’t want him to go. He felt that the boy didn’t want to go either, reluctance was written all over the boy’s stance, within his eyes, echoing through his emotions. “ Please don’t leave me. Not when I have just found you. I want you. You’re everything to me.”

Tears, mirroring those falling from his precious mate, Kiegan continued to whisper. “Let me love you, treasure you… pick up the pieces. For now and for always. Please?” He moved a comforting hand over the little ones back, his hair moving to curtain the two of them in its usual, mind of its own, aggravating manner, affording the two a mediocre of privacy from prying eyes. Rain continued to pout down upon the scene echoing the loneliness, sorrow, pain and desperation that kept the two figures bound in place, giving the scene a surreal quality.

[Deleted]

Who was this person? Nathaniel was sure he'd never met him before, but the man was acting as though they had known each other forever. This person was touching him and not letting go. Why? didn't he realize that there were better people he could be associating himself with? Didn't he realize that he was nothing? Didn't he realize that he'd be better of walking away? Nathaniel had problems, he knew this. His parents had told him so and his siblings had made one or two hurtful comments over it. He was shy they said. He'd never amount to anything if he didn't get over his shyness and go out into the world. They said he was too quiet. He never had anything to say, so why talk? If there was no one to listen...why bother speaking? He wasn't crazy enough to start talking to himself.

They said...he was plain. They said he looked more like a flat chested girl than a fifteen year old boy. It was a joke they made. It wasn't supposed to be hurtful, he supposed...a lot of the things they said weren't supposed to be hurtful...but they were... He had never really thought about his appearance much until they had started to poke fun at him. When he looked into the mirror, that's what he saw. Someone who was just plain. He'd seen the way other boys looked and he was nothing like them. When he watched them walk down the hall, people turned to stare at them. They got compliments and smiles from pretty girls. When he walked down the hall, people shoved him and didn't bother saying they were sorry.

Maybe he was just ugly. That made sense. After all, he was never noticed by anyone. For starters, his hair was a full brown. It wasn't glossy or bright. It was just a common color. There was nothing special about it. His eyes, they were blue. Lots of people had blue eyes. It wasn't rare. His skin was pale and he thought he looked sickly. It was a horrible color and he was too small. He wasn't exactly short, but he wasn't tall enough to keep from getting trampled in the halls at school. He hated his face. There was nothing about it that stood out. It was easy to forget his face. He wasn't anybody.

This person seemed to disagree, though. He thought he was someone, but he was wrong. Why was he telling him such pretty lies? Did he want something from him? He'd give him what he wanted...just because...he had said such nice things... He'd never heard such beautiful words before, so he was even more grateful to this person for telling him such things. If he knew how, he'd give this person a smile. But...even though he wanted to...it seemed like he'd forgotten how to smile...

"I...don't...understand..." Nathaniel said in that same soft voice. "Is there something you want from me? Why...are you being nice to me? I'm...nothing..."

He had to know...what this person wanted. No one had ever tried to use him before. They knew he wasn't worth it. If this person wanted something from his parents, he wouldn't be able to help. He wouldn't get anything even if he asked for it. If that man wanted money, he wouldn't be the one to inherit it. He wasn't someone that had a purpose...so why? Was it a game? Was this person trying to see how far he'd have to go to break him? A sick game...was that what this was? Maybe...that's most likely what it was...but...he was glad someone had given him a bit of attention...even if this person did end up having bad intentions...

"I have nothing to give you...so getting close me...won't help you..." he muttered. "Please...what do you want from?"

His body was pressed up against the person so closely. He could feel the other's hot breath on his bare skin and the older man's scent was fresh in the air. The feel of the man's heartbeat was strong against his chest. He'd never been this close to another person and he wasn't sure why he hadn't pulled away yet. Why was he letting this man stand so close to him? Why was he letting him touch him? Why hadn't he screamed pervert or something and run away? This was strange... He shouldn't be standing in the rain with someone pressed up against him. He should be at home...alone. The rain began to fall less heavily until it disappeared.

[kiegan]

Kiegan felt the continued conflict waging was within the boy. However, he was unable to read the boy’s mind and pinpoint the cause of his distress. He stubbornly refused to let him go, feeling horribly inadequate. This feeling was foreign to him. True his entire life had been filled with him helping people, but none of them had managed to affect him quite the way this boy seemed to. He was convinced his heart was breaking along with the fragile figure’s in his arms. Breaking into a million tiny pieces, taking Kiegan’s assertive ability to comfort along with it.

“Want from you?” Kiegan whispered, at the boys enquiry. “There is so much I want right now, that I am utterly torn at how to accomplish any of it.” Rapid thoughts ran through his mind, pain flaring at the hurt and uncertainty clearly audible with every word that escaped the boy’s lips, drawing Kiegan deeper into the boy’s turmoil. Deeper into desire to protect him, to hold him, and to show him that he was special. How could this precious fragile creature believe he was nothing? Who had dared to convince him thus? Everyone was something. Special, unique. This slight figure more so than anyone he had ever previously met.

“I want you to be whole again. I want you to be happy. I want you to be forever cherished, treasured and to show you the beauty and hope of life and love. I want you to accept me. I want you to never leave my side, ever. I want to show you hope and love. I want you to realize how much you mean to me. That you are not nothing. You never were and never will be. Not to me. I want to be thankful with every breath, that I was given the opportunity to find you. You are meant for me. I want to hold you and never let go. I want you to have my kits. Unfortunately, I also want to kill the ones that made you feel this way. Tear them apart, as they seemed to have torn you apart. I want to take you away from here, protect you, always.”

Kiegan paused, thinking for a moment before smiling a little cheeky smile. “Also, I want you to grow up quickly, so I can claim you,” He pulled a face, already feeling the stirrings of demand to claim what was his. He would not do so. Not until his mate accepted him, believed in himself, and reached a legal age. “I’m not really looking forward to all the challenges I am going to get over you.” Kiagan’s eyes grew momentarily thoughtful, contemplating the interesting dilemma he seemed to have been presented with. “I want you to only ever hold MY hand. I want you to be mine.” He finally surmised.

“You have more to give then you can ever imagine. I, however, don’t want you to give me anything you don’t want to give. I want you to let me give you myself, everything I have, my love and my comfort. I want you to let me help pick up the pieces of your soul. Maybe I do want something from you,” Kiegan admitted as the thought occurred to him. “I want you to be willing to be whole again, willing to be loved, treasured and put back together again. I realize I am asking a lot. I realize this will not be easy and will take time. But if you will accept me, I am willing to try and know that I will never willingly leave you, nor abandon you.”

((Yeah, yeah... I know my responses are not nearly as long as yours... (sigh) but they are accurate at least...))

[Deleted]

No...stop... Nathaniel wanted this person to stop. He was telling him things he'd always wanted to hear from someone and he wasn't sure he could go back to being all alone. His heart told him it'd be alright, but as usual, his mind betrayed him. That distrusting side of him had risen and was telling him things he didn't want to hear. His mind kept contradicting his heart and told him to get away from this person. That man wasn't who he said he was. He was a liar and only wanted some sort of cheap thrill or something. That traitorous mind kept telling him about how no one wanted him and how he was kidding himself into thinking that this beautiful person wanted him.

"No...No...NO!" Yelled Nathaniel.

Why wouldn't this person stop? His mask was breaking. He had hidden his true self for a long time now...yet...this person was easily breaking his mask... He wasn't supposed to yell or even be speaking to anyone. He was supposed to fade into the background and be nothing. He was supposed to act like nothing was wrong and that he wasn't really lonely. He had convinced himself long ago that he didn't need anyone...that everything was the way it should be...yet...this man was proving him wrong right now. He did want someone. He liked the words that were coming out of the man's mouth. He liked the way the man was holding him, but deep down, he had a feeling he shouldn't be near this person. His mind was telling him he should know better. People always turn on you and then you'll just all alone again. He knew he shouldn't attach himself to anyone, but this man was making it difficult to do that. Nathaniel felt as though his heart would break again in he left this person.

It was a scary feeling and Nathaniel wasn't sure if he liked someone having this much power over his heart. When someone was close to you, it was easier for them to hurt you. Was this man going to hurt him? Was he going to use him? Play with his emotions? For some reason...he really liked this person and it frightened him. He'd never liked someone before, so it was a new feeling. It was...a change. Nathaniel wanted things to stay the same. If it was the same, he'd be safe. Changes weren't good. He didn't want any of this.

"You're lying!" Nathaniel yelled.

He pulled away from those comforting arms and glared at the man. He was sure he wasn't very intimidating, but he tried his hardest to glare. If he didn't get away now, this man would steal his heart...make him feel that fake emotion... Most of the things this man had told him had been very confusing. He wasn't sure what the guy meant by claim or kits, for one thing, and he wasn't sure what challenges were either. He knew what the words meant, but he wasn't sure what the man was talking about. It didn't matter anyway. He was going home and everything would be fine. He'd snuggle into his bed after a warn shower and forget all this ever happened. He'd live alone...yes... He'd be all alone again, but he wouldn't get hurt. He wouldn't cry...like he was right now... He'd be strong someday and wouldn't feel this way. Even as he thought this, Nathaniel couldn't stop the tears from running down his face. There was no longer any rain to help hide the tears running down his cheeks.

"I know what you say...is all lie..." Nathaniel said softly. "I'm not falling for it...so leave me alone... I don't need your lies! Go away! Liar! Liar! LIAR!"

The boy was becoming hysterical. He was shaking his head and crying. Tears spilled to the ground and Nathaniel's wet hair sent water splashing. He hadn't run away yet, but he looked ready to bolt. He looked so confused and afraid. Nathaniel wasn't ready to deal with all this. Besides, his head hurt. Everything was spinning and he didn't feel very well. What was happening? Why did it feel so hot? He knew it was cold outside, but his body was hot. It seemed everything was getting fuzzy and spinning. Was this normal? Had he lost his vision? He started to stagger and standing seemed so hard. He knew what was going on. He was getting sick. He was standing in the cold with wet clothes, so of course he'd get sick.

Nathaniel had a weak immune system. He always got sick easily. This was mostly due to the fact that he neglected his health a lot. In truth, he had been suffering from a minor fever in the morning, but he hadn't taken any medicine. Most of the time, he forgot to eat, which was why he was so thin most of the time. He didn't take medicine often, mostly because he forgot to, and he hardly saw the doctor. He knew it was bad to do this, but it had never really been an issue until he got really sick. This was when he was sent to the hospitals, but the pattern started up again as soon as he went home. It seemed he'd never learn. His health had never really been an issue with Nathaniel. It wasn't like he wanted to live or anything. He didn't really exist, so what did it matter if he died too? But right now, he couldn't think straight. That's when he feel forward. His legs gave in and he fell toward the ground.

((No problem. It's okay. ^_^))

[kiegan]

Kiegan flinched at the boy’s violent protest, sharp pain running through him. Pain sharper than anything he had ever felt before. His mate was rejecting him. Didn’t want him. He had just found him, and was already being rejected, hurt and torn apart by emotional turmoil… The echo of the boys emotions did not help Kiegan keep a grip on his own.

He continued to hold the boy, hands clenched tightly in the boys clothing. He began to very noticeably tremble struggling violently to control his own emotional downfall… “You don’t want me?” He said in an extremely small voice filled with pain. The voice of a small child newly abandoned just finding out the cruelty of the world. “Am I not enough?”

The boy’s words cut to the core of his being. He felt the loneliness echo in waves off of the boy. Loneliness he was drawn to attempt to ease. His entire being was drawn into the spell this boy seemed to be casting over him. However, over and above the loneliness, the pull, he felt heartache, sheer physical pain the boy’s rejection of him was causing. He thought it would tear him apart and was beginning to wonder if he would ever be whole again.

Every fiber of his being, longed for the boy’s happiness. Longed to protect him, love him. However, if this boy so desired it. He would leave him alone. He had no desire to add grief to what the boy already seemed to need to deal with. He didn’t think he would survive without the boy, but given the choice between self preservation and the boy’s peace of mind. The choice was rather clear…

“Do you really want me to leave?” He whispered. “I wanted to hold you, protect you, show you the beauty that I see. Why am I not good enough? What did I do wrong?”

Kiegan’s fragile hold on the world shattered when the boy tore himself away. He stared wordlessly at his mate, practically seeing the void between them grow larger, deeper and darker. As the boy accused him of lies. “I’m so sorry for causing you further pain than that you already seem to be experiencing.” Kiegan whispered, head hanging. “That was not my intention… I wanted… I wanted… I wanted… never mind. It’s not important anymore. I will leave you.”

Suddenly, Kiegan’s head snapped up, hearing a weak sound that disturbed him. His eyes widened in horror, when his little mate seemed to practically collapse. He moved with lightning speed, desperate to protect his young mate whether the boy wanted it or not. He barely caught him in time, holding the boy close to the ground. The pain of rejection was replaced by frantic worry. Suddenly he could feel the heat radiating off of the boy. The boy had a fever. Frantic worries lead to desperate measures. He ran with the boy in his arms to his current place of residence, a hotel the tour group he was with, had checked into.

Ignoring the stares and queries of those who had come with him, he rushed past them to his own room. Carefully placing the boy on the only bed in the room, he rummaged around in search of his medical kit. His hands fumbled with his belongings, fear driving rational thought temporarily out of his mind. Where was the (&(^ medical aid kit!!!!!!!

Just as desperation, frustration and panic was about to take over, his hands encountered a white box. A white box his family had insisted he bring along. At the time, he had thought it was ridiculous. He had protested violently against it demanding to know what he would need it for. Now, however, he was beyond grateful that his mother had been so insistent that he take it along. Taking a couple of deep breaths he headed back to his bed to tend to his mate.

[Deleted]

It hurt. Nathaniel's whole body hurt. He couldn't seem to concentrate on anything and it his head pounded even harder when he tried to think. Even though his eyes were now open, he couldn't see anything. It wasn't like he was blind or anything, it was just hard to focus on anything at the moment. There seemed to be a fuzz around everything in the room and for some reason, his world wouldn't stop spinning. He'd been in situations like this before. He got sick easily and he never really took it seriously. It wasn't until he was in a state, very much like the one he was in now, that he bothered to call a doctor. He usually spent one or two days in the hospital and then went home.

When doctors got too nosy and asked too many questions, his parents bribed them. They refused to admit their son had a problem. Nathaniel knew there was something wrong with him besides getting sick all the time, he just didn't care. So what if he had issues? It wasn't anyone's business and he didn't need people meddling in his life. Everyone was probably just faking concern. The doctors, the nurses, his psycologist...they were all just in it for the money. If he lived, they got more money. He wouldn't be of any use to them dead, so that's why they pretended to care. Nathaniel wasn't fooled. He knew everyone was really a liar. They all tried to use him in their sick games. That's all he was to everyone, a tool.

This bed...it wasn't his. Come to think of it, where was he? He wasn't sure what had happened after he had passed out. Had someone brought him home with them? Would they help him? It was probably better to not get his hopes up. No one wanted to help him. Why was everything so wet? Oh...yeah... His clothes were still wet. He'd only get sicker if he didn't take off his clothes. Wet clothing would make things worse. There was something pocking him in his side too...oh yeah...his school ID was in his pocket. If it hadn't been made of plastic, it probably would have been ruined. It had his name, age, home address, weight, height, blood type, and just about everything a stalker needed to know. It also had a crappy picture of him with a neutral expression. He never smiled in photos. He didn't smile period. The picture on his school ID was probably the only picture of himself he had. It wasn't like he hadn't been in other pictures, they were just full of other people too. Usually, in a photo, he was just in the background. Maybe the photographer had also realized there were more interesting things to take pictures of.

If he could have moved, Nathaniel would have. It seemed like his arms and legs were made of lead, though. They refused to do as his brain said and remained motionless. Nathaniel's half lidded eyes tried to take in everything in the room, though it was hard since his eyes weren't working either. His face felt warm and he was sure his cheeks were red. Who had picked him up? Had it been...that man? The one who had told him all the pretty lies? He was confused by that person. He acted so sincerely and kind...yet...it was hard to trust people now. He'd been trampled on too many times. He just couldn't believe in anyone anymore. His will had been broken and he was already dying inside. He wanted to believe this man, but it was just so hard. The man was a stranger anyway. He was probably just messing with him. Besides, there was no such thing as love at first sight.

Love itself was just stupid. But then...why did he want to be with this person so badly? Was it all some sort of illusion? Were his feelings real? No...they couldn't be... He wasn't in love! He couldn't think that way. Those sorts of thoughts just brought him pain. He had to be strong and resist these odd feelings brewing inside his very soul. He could make out the outline of a person coming toward him. Even though his eyesight was poor, he knew who it was. His heart was racing and his cheeks, if possible, seemed to become even more flushed. He wanted to say something, but it hurt to talk and his throat was sore. He couldn't find the right thing to say anyway. Maybe it was best to keep quiet.

He just hoped that person wouldn't do anything to him. he hadn't meant to call him a liar...or to yell at him...but...he had been upset. He had convinced himself the man was mocking him and he had been hurt. He was sure the man had pitied him or something. He didn't want that. He wasn't sure what he wanted. he just wanted to close his eyes and never wake up...and...maybe...to have that person wrap his arms around him again. It had been uncomfortable at first, but it had felt...nice...to be in that person's arms... It had been...safe...and he hadn't felt that way before...just...safe.

[kiegan]

Kiegan stared at the boy lying on the bed, worry running through him at a rapid pace. He could feel the heat radiating off of the small figure without even touching him. This distressed him even further as he knew this was not a good sign… In fact, it was a bad sign. A REALLY bad sign.

Kiegan hurriedly began to strip the figure, getting the small boy out of the soaking clothes that will only end up complicating the illness even further. Soft hands, carefully removed soaked material, exposing cold flesh that was a blatant contradiction to the fever coursing through it.

Discarding the soaked garments, Kiegan wrapped the small shivering figure tightly in the blankets. Kiegan got up to one more rummage through his belongings. Okay, so organization was not exactly his forte, but usually he could find everything, even if no one else could. Usually he wasn’t looking, blind panic coursing through his veins. Finding suitable garments, Kiegan rushed back to the boy, unwrapping him, to gently clothe him in some of his own clothes. The clothes were a little too big but not much actually.

That accomplished, he once shifted the boy to put him under the covers in the bed. Carefully brushing the boy’s sweaty hair out of his face, he got up padding his way silently to the bathroom. Filling a small container with cold water, he scooped the bowl up, with a cloth and returned to the bedside.

Dipping the soft cloth in the water, he placed it over the boy’s forehead, to stem the unbearable heat. Getting up once again, he disappeared back into the bathroom which was to become his second home, returning with a glass of water. Gently shaking the dilerious boy awake, he forced some medication down. It was mostly painless. Mostly… if you consider that the boy was too far gone to put up any protest. However this also meant that he was too far gone to be co-operative too.

Kiegan was eternally grateful to his family about now. The knowledge he was drawing upon in this crisis was knowledge imparted on him by his dear mother. He had always volunteered his assistance at home and on more than one occasion been required to look after his sick bothers. The gratitude for this knowledge was immeasurable, but did not stem his anxiety.

He watched the figure sleeping on his bed, sitting cross legged on the floor. The boy looked so peaceful. Almost as if he had no worries. Kiegan knew better but with all his heart wished it would be so. He had felt the conflict rolling off of the boy and was relieved the medication he had given the boy was finally taking effect, affording the boy some much needed restful sleep. It hadn’t looked like the boy had managed to have anything restful. Kiegan wanted to remedy that, but would not go against the boys wishes.

He would ensure his little mate got better. After which… he would leave is his mate so desired. And so he began his long vigil at the ill boy’s bedside, refusing to succumb to exhaustion that tempted him, lest something happen to the slight figure in his moments of unawareness.

[Deleted]

There had never been a situation in life Nathaniel hadn't been able to handle. Everything had always been straightforward and he had always kept his distance from everyone. As long as he hid his emotions and stayed invisible, he had figured nothing could go wrong. This, however, was confusing him to no end. He was currently wearing clothing that was definitely not his while laying on a bed that did not belong to him. It didn't take a genius to figure out that in order to be wearing fresh clothing, he had had to have had his old clothes removed. This particular thought was starting to freak him out. No one had ever seen him without clothes on before. In gym, he was always the guy that changed in the bathroom and at the beach, he never went in the water so there was no reason to change. He was very self conscious about his body. He knew he shouldn't care what people thought of him, but it did matter to him.

In his room, there was a mirror. Nathaniel used to look in it every day since it was placed in front of his bed. He had hated the person that stared back at him. That person was weak, he wasn't weak. That person was sad and pathetic, he didn't need anyone. Eventually, he had stopped looking in the mirror altogether. He was always afraid of what he'd see. He hadn't wanted this person to see what everyone else saw. Was he going to hate him now? Everyone else did, maybe this person actually hated him. It was possible. Nathaniel stared up at the ceiling. His mind was a bit more lucid now. He could actually see straight and focus, though it was still hard to talk or move. His throat didn't hurt anymore and it didn't feel as dry. Had he drank water? Maybe...then again...things got fuzzy after he had passed out. He tilted his head a tiny bit. There was that same person again...the one that had told him all those nice things...

He felt bad for yelling, but it had upset him to hear such things. He had always wanted to hear such things and now that he had...it seemed like the man was toying with his feelings. It was like he knew his hidden desires and was using them against him. It was scary. Logic told him this whole situation was unsafe. A stranger, a hotel room, a bed, and wearing clothes that weren't his most definitely were not a good combination. Yet...he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay. He knew no one at home would question his absence, so maybe...he'd stay...for a little while...

Nathaniel closed his eyes again. He couldn't seem to stop thinking about the man's words, though. He wanted to hear them again. Nathaniel realized that what he wanted more than anything else right now was to hear those words again...but...he knew...it was a bad idea... If he heard those words again, he knew he'd believe them...believe that man... He'd be sucked into that man's world and never find a way out. He knew that once this person would get past his barriers and walls and once he did...break him into a million pieces when he left him.

He was always getting left behind. People always turned their backs on him, so he had learned to do the same. He had promised himself he'd never make himself vulnerable to someone else or to let anyone in, but this person was making it very difficult to keep his promise. Nathaniel slowly opened his eyes again. He slolwy pulled himself into a sitting position. It was difficult since his body felt so stiff and unbalanced. He nearly fell once, but he had managed. He had used his elbows, so now his arms hurt a little. His head felt heavy and it was hard to keep it front falling down to his chest. Now, his neck was sore. He looked over to tha man again.

"Who...are...you...?" Nathaniel asked in a tiny voice.

He sounded so tired and sickly. His voice was small and quiet. He spoke in a voice no louder than a whisper. Some people took this as shy, but he wasn't. He just wasn't used to talking. His throat was still sore, but he was able to talk a bit now. He could use some more water. It took a lot of energy to talk those few words. He still hadn't learned this person's name yet. He wanted to know, but he wasn't sure why.

[kiegan]

It had been a long vigil. A long vigil broken by frequent trips to the bathroom in order to renew the supply of cool water. He had kept the small overheated body as cool as possible by occasionally wiping away the thin sheen of sweat that had shimmered upon overheated skin. He’d carefully stroked the boy’s strands of hair, allowing air to flow between the strands effectively cooling them somewhat. He had done everything in his power to ensure the boys comfort, down to changing the sweat soaked clothes and sheets.

He had been worried sick, worry driving him to neglect himself in favor of the small fragile figure that now occupied the only bed in his hotel room. He had long since missed his ‘flight’ home. The tour group had not waited. He hadn’t wanted to abandon his little mate when he was so ill and had been wary to take his mate with him without his mates consent. Especially seeing as his mate did not seem to want him. And so here he was, by his little mate’s bedside, with no way to return home, or at least until the next tour group arrived, and utterly exhausted and drained.

Exhaustion had driven him to finally succumb to its call, causing him to pass clean out. This was how Nathaniel found him. He was sitting on the hard ground one arm beside him, damp cloth still clutched in his grasp. The other arm was on the bed wherein his head rested.

He had barely managed to doze off when Nathaniel’s stirrings invaded his subconscious mind. They however did not manage to wake him until Nathaniel’s voice intruded upon his sleep as well. His mind shot awake, pulling his unwilling exhausted body along with it. He opened bleary eyes blinking at Nathaniel in disbelief for an indeterminable period of time wherein his sleep ridden mind tried to process what his eyes could clearly see. The boy seemed to have woken up.

Finally, his befuddled caught up with his senses and what the boy had said registered. Kiegan looked surprised at the question. “ Anou… your mate… Kiegan Tsugiru.” Kiegan responded tiredly, his brain unable to come up with a more comprehensive answer than that at the current moment in time.Kiegan tiredly got to his feet, heading to the boys bedside. He poured Nathaniel a glass of water before handing it to him. “Drink this. Your body needs it more than ever right now.”

[Deleted]

The boy took the water from the man. At least he knew the guy's name now. As he drank the liquid, he began to think about all the things that could go wrong right now. The man could have slipped some sort of drug or poison in his drink...yet...he was drinking it. It was almost as if he...trusted this person. His logical side was starting to listen to what his heart told him. He wasn't so suspicious of Kiegan anymore. Something inside told him that he'd be alright if he did as he was told. When his parched throat had had its fill, he spoke again.

"Nathaniel...my name is Murasaki Nathaniel," he muttered. "Nice to meet you Tsugiru-san..."

He had never met someone like Kiegan before. The man had an interesting hair color for one thing. What was even more peculiar was that it wasn't dyed. Most people with unique hair had dyed it. His own was a boring brown. The more he thought about it, the more insecure he felt. He had never really cared about looks, but then again, he was the guy that had couldn't even look himself in the mirror. He wondered if the man had low standards or something. From what he understood, this person wanted to be his boyfriend or something.

The big question going through his mind was, why? Out of the millions of people in Japan, why had this person chosen him? Nathaniel knew he wasn't much to look at. He was scrawny and tiny for one thing. Most boys his age had muscles and height. His hair wasn't interesting at all; it was a common brown. He had an ordinary haircut and soft hair that was mistaken for a girl's. He hated it when people commented on his hair. When they weren't teasing him about the color, they made jokes about how he probably used all kinds of girly products to make it soft. He didn't, but his classmates liked to tease him about it anyway.

Then, there was also his eyes. They were round, big, and blue. The weren't almond shaped liked his siblings, they were more round and sparkly. He'd been asked before if he was wearing contacts. He knew his eyes were a stupid color, but he couldn't change that. he hated them as much as he hated his face. It was childish looked and made him seem young. It was nothing speical...just...plain. It had to be a lie. This man didn't want him. He couldn't. No one wanted him.

"I-I think you've made a mistake..." he said in that same tiny voice. "I'm...not the person you're looking for...so...I'd like to go home now... I'm sorry to have been an inconvenience."

He didn't want to trouble Kiegan. For some reason, this person was important to him. He wanted the man to think he was special. He wasn't going to say it out loud, but he wanted the man to tell him all sorts of nice things...to compliment him and make him feel like he was worth something. He didn't know why this man's opinion mattered so much. Why should one person's opinion matter? He couldn't figure out when Kiegan had become so important to him. They'd only known each other for a few hours...yet...it felt longer than that. It was scaring him a little. For one thing, he'd never felt this strongly about someone. He didn't even have feelings this strong for his family. Yet...here he was...falling in love with a stranger. Wait! Hold it! Back up! Love? When did this feeling come into play. Why had he thought about love?

Surely it wasn't what he was feeling. It was illogical! This didn't make any sense. He had already convinced himself that the feeling wasn't real, so why was he thinking about it now. Why had he thought about Kiegan and love? There was no way he was in love. He didn't believe in love! It was a silly fantasy. The emotion didn't exist! He just had to keep repeating this until it was forever carved in his mind. But the odd thing was...even though he knew love wasn't real...his heart wasn't listening... It was beating faster than usual and his cheeks were stained with red. If...this wasn't love...then...why was he feeling this way? Why was his body reacting this way? Most of all, why could he not stop thinking about the man in front of him?