Tokyo (Open Thread)

[kiegan]

Kiegan smiled softly at the small boy before him. ‘Nathaniel’, he rolled the name around in his mind. The name suited him very much. He liked the name, liked the way it seemed to belong in his mind, the same way the boy belonged in his heart. It was as if the one in possession of this name had been created for him, name and all. Which, in actual fact, he was.

He watched Nathaniel sip the water cautiously, almost as if wary of what might be inside. However, he was not about to look a gift horse in the mouth and chose not to comment on it. At least the boy was drinking the water. That… and he seemed to have warmed up to Kiegan enough to have actually bothered to introduce himself. Kiegan took that as a sign that maybe not all hope of having his little mate was lost.

This bright spark of hope was shattered with the boy’s next comment. “No. I didn’t make a mistake.” Kiegan retorted with certainty. “I would know you anywhere. You are my mate, meant to be with me. The person I hold more dear than life itself, but if you would be happier without my presence I shall let you go and do my best to protect you and make you happy without directly interfering with your life. I will even make sure you don’t even know I’m there. You are not an inconvenience to me. You never will be. I only want to protect you, hold you and make sure you are happy. All of me belongs to you. I won’t be happy without you. I will die if you don’t at least allow me to protect you and take care of you, from a distance if you so wish.” Kiegan’s expression was full of pleading.

Suddenly noticing Nathaniel’s scrutiny, Kiegan’s hand moved to his own hair. He pulled a face, looking sheepish. “I know. Its one crazy color, but…” Suddenly he grinned, “Think of it as the sunset, then it doesn’t seem as odd. Then again… maybe it does.” He chuckled, looking sheepish once more. “How many people can describe their hair by referring to it as the sunset? Yours on the other hand…” He reached out to softy run his fingers through Nathaniel’s hair “, is amazing. It’s such a pretty shade of brown. Like fresh ground, just after the life-giving rain. It’s so soft, almost as soft as a newborn kits fur.” Kiegan smiled happily, still gently playing with Nathaniel’s hair. “Must be terrible to style but I think the scruffy, just out of bed look suits you quite nicely.”

His hand dropped back down onto the bed. “It’s especially fascinating when paired off with your blue eyes. Rather refreshing really, and if I must say…” Kiegan turned rather red. “A very attractive combination. (Author whole heartedly agrees btw) Though, I must say. The sweaty, feverish style may not be the best style for it.” He added cheekily, ruffling the hair. “Get some sleep. You need it. I will see what I can arrange by way of food. Any preferences?” Kiegan stood, smiling softly at Nathaniel.

[Deleted]

More questions with no answers. It seemed that's all he ever got when he spoke with Kiegan. The man insisted that they were supposed to be together and the way he spoke, it was making Nathaniel want to believe him. No matter how crazy all the things the man said sounded, his heart was telling him it'd be alright. He could feel the corners of his mouth tugging upward slightly and he knew he was about to smile. He forced his expression to remain neutral, but he couldn't hide the emotions in his eyes. He really liked the way this person talked to him. He couldn't remember a conversation lasting this long before.

When Kiegan told him he liked his eyes and hair, he wanted to snort and tell the man he was crazy. No one complimented him. People never had anything nice to say. His hair wasn't special. Brown wasn't the greatest color and he'd always hated it. There was nothing he could ever do with his wild hair, so it was always messy. Blue was such a plain color. The sky was blue, the ocean was blue...most of the time, and plenty of flowers shared his eyes' color. He couldn't see why Kiegan was making such a big deal about them. He looked perfectly ordanary...no...he didn't look like everyone else and he knew that was another reason people hated him.

He always seemed to find himself being singled out. Even when he tried to hide himself, someone always found him and he found himself ridiculed and mocked. He hated it when he was made fun of. It seemed everything he did was something hilarious. They always laughed at him. Everyone at school. When he was feeling his worst, people seemed to act their nastiest. Maybe they had a sixth sense or something, he wouldn't be surprised if some of his classmates weren't really human. There was no way people that evil could exist.

Kiegan didn't share other's opinions though. He seemed to think Nathaniel was pretty and that he was his. Why did this person have to be different? He had learned to deal with people who hated him, but not this. His heart and mind hadn't prepared him for something like this. He just didn't know how to act.

"Brown is a dull color Tsugiru-san...it's common and lame. Plenty of people have blue eyes too. It's not rare," shrugged Nathaniel, turning his attention back to the man. "And I don't really care what you do."

That was about a close an answer as he was going to get from Nathaniel. He wasn't going to go out and tell the man he was confused as hell about his feelings. He wasn't going to tell him how he wanted nothing more than to be held, yet wanted to be miles away from the man at the same time. His feelings were too messy and disorganized right now. The biggest problem he was facing was that he was actually having feelings. He wasn't supposed to feel anything. This was upsetting him and the fact that he was upset was upsetting him...okay...now he was just giving himself a headache. Why couldn't he just go back to being emotionless and uncaring...it'd be so easy he told himself, but when Nathaniel saw the person in front of him, he knew it wouldn't be so easy. Just looking at him made his heart quicken it's pace and heat rise to his pale cheeks.

The comments and touch had embarrassed him a little, he supposed. He didn't know why this person was looking at him still, but it was making him nervous. He had always been self-conscious about his body and he couldn't help but feel that Kiegan was disappointed with what he saw. Everyone else was, so why not this person too? He wanted to curl back into the covers and hide himself.

"I-I'm not hungrey..." he muttered. "...and stop looking at me...seriously!"

Nathaniel slipped the covers off and stood up so that he was standing right in front of Kiegan. He noticed how much bigger the man looked. He wished he wasn't so scrawny. The man wasn't freakishly tall and he didn't tower over him, but he was still taller. The guy didn't look like one of those super buff guys he'd see on cheesy infomercials or like he was constantly working out, he also didn't look weak, though. Kiegan was about average in size...Nathaniel was just small for his age. He reached up and put his hands on the older man's eyes. He wasn't poking him or anything, he just placed his palms over the man's eyes so that he was no longer looking at him.

"I said no more looking..." mumbled Nathaniel, trying to convince himself he didn't like the feel of the other's bare skin against his. "Just...don't look at me..."

[kiegan]

Kiegan closed his eyes when Nathaniel placed his hands over them. He made no move towards him lest he frighten the already skittish boy. "It’s not dull. Your hair." Kiegan clarified. "True, brown seems to be a rather common color on earth. That and black. Its also true, that blue eyes seem to be rather common too, but how many people do you know that have managed to snag the combination of brown hair and blue eyes. Usually it’s blond hair and blue eyes, or brown hair and brown eyes. The combination, you have managed to be blessed with is extremely rare and very attractive. Also your eyes are the most amazing blue color I have ever seen. Clean and clear as the clearest lake. Probably glitter in the sunlight too. I'd like to see that."

Kiegan shifted slightly, a little uncomfortable with standing in one position like that. He, however still did not move. He felt that the boy was currently uncomfortable and he had no intention of making him any more skittish. Why was this boy so afraid of him? He had done nothing to warrant such fear. He suspected that the boy’s paranoid behavior went far deeper then initial appearances implied and wanted to tear the people that were supposed to bring him up, protect him, apart for their blatant failure in that respect. He would not force himself on the boy. He would let Nathaniel choose, and if need be watch over him from afar.

He sensed that Nathaniel did not like being looked at. He briefly wondered as to why, suspecting it had a lot to do with the low self image Nathaniel seemed to have. "If I have offended you by looking at you I apologize. It’s just that..." He shifted again as his mind sought a diplomatic way to phrase this. Finally giving up he settled for the initial comment he was going to make. "You're so pretty. Soft. You really should eat though. You were unconscious a really long time. Even is it’s only some fruit. You will get better sooner that way. If you don't want me to stay here I'll leave but please... let me get you something to eat?"

[Deleted]

"Stupid..." muttered Nathaniel. "If you don't stop talking like that, I just might fall in love with you."

His heart stopped when he heard the words he had just spoken. How could he have said something so stupid?! What had made him do it? This was crazy! He didn't believe in love. There was no such thing...right? Right! There was no such thing as love! But...then...why was he feeling this way? Why was his heart pounding? He was sure Kiegan could hear it and it made him even more nervous. His cheeks were even redder than before. He was sure he resembled a tomato by now. He'd never blushed this many times before. Nathaniel moved his hands from the man's face slowly. As much as he liked touching Kiegan, he was too embarrassed to be near the man right now.

Nathaniel put his hands behind his back and kept his gaze to the floor. He didn't want the man to see he had been serious about what he had said or that he was blushing. He wanted to crawl into a hole and die, though it wasn't the first time he'd felt like doing that. This was all so awkward. He felt like some dumb school girl with a crush. He didn't get crushes dammit!

"Erm...well...y-you see..." stuttered the boy hopelessly. "About the food...erm...get what you want... I-I...um...erm...t-that is to say... I have to shower!"

With that said, the boy rushed past Kiegan and into the bathroom. The boy locked the door quickly, afraid that Kiegan might try to come in. Nathaniel sank to the floor and leaned against the door. He pulled his legs up to his chest and buried his face in his knees. He had never been so humiliated in his entire life. He wondered what Kiegan would say. Would he laugh at him? Would he tell him he was sick? He didn't want to hear the response. He didn't want to fall in love with this person. But it seemed his damn heart hadn't gotten the memo. Now that he had said it out loud, it seemed more real to him. He was falling in love with Kiegan.

"I'm such a moron..." he muttered softly to himself.

This was insane. He’d only known the guy for a short while. It hadn’t even been an entire day. He didn’t know anything about Kiegan. For all he knew, the guy could be a criminal on the run. Sure it was probably not true, but who cares? He was freaking out over this. He’d read about love at first sight in books and seen it in movies, but he always thought it was something cheesy people used to spice up the plot. This just couldn’t be happening.

Nathaniel stood up. He might as well shower like he said he would. His wet hair would stink if he didn't wash it good. Nathaniel unbuttoned his shirt; it fell to the ground. It was big for him, not huge, but still too big for him. He slipped out of the pants and let his boxers fall too; he stepped into the tub. Nathaniel didn't feel like going back to the room so soon and there wasn't a window in the bathroom; he was trapped. Behind the door was the one person he didn't want to face right now. Nathaniel sighed as he turned on the water.

It felt nice to be this warm and clean. He wanted to stay in the shower, but he didn’t want to waste so much water. After he finished, he stepped out. There was a robe and he was thankful for it. He had seen those towels and they were tiny. Now, what was he going to wear? He didn’t feel like wearing the same clothes he had sweated in. They were dirty and he didn’t have any clean ones. Maybe he could just stay in the bathroom? No…he was going to have to go outside… He hoped that maybe Kiegan wouldn’t be there anymore, or at least would keep his mouth shut about what he had said. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle such a conversation. Hesitantly, Nathaniel put his hand on the doorknob. He clentched his eyes shut as he turned the knob and opened the door.

[kiegan]

Kiegan smiled softly when Nathaniel mentioned falling in love. A warm feeling lit up inside of him giving him hope. He had been trying to kill the need to be with Nathaniel, afraid to force himself upon the boy, afraid to hurt the boy. Nathaniel mentioning that he might fall in love had warmed him to no end. It made the new day brighter, gave him reason to stay.

He silently watched Nathaniel run into the bathroom, not moving to follow. It looked like the boy wanted a little space. Space Kiegan was more than willing to give him. The boy was skittish, like a wild animal afraid to trust. Not knowing ‘how’ to trust. Kiegan was more than willing to wait patiently. To teach him. To let him move at his own pace. They did have time after all. Nathaniel was still too young to claim. Too young to be so hurt, but there was nothing Kiegan could do about Nathaniel’s past… He would choose to focus on the boy’s future.

Hearing the long silence from the bathroom, Kiegan knew the boy was torn, confused. Having no intention on worsening the situation, Kiegan decided that this would be a good opportunity to change the sheets and ensure that when Nathaniel came out, he would be comfortable. Moving to the bed, Kiegan swiftly changed the sweat soaked sheets replacing them with dry ones. He had requested a change of sheets from the hotel for exactly this purpose having known that they would need to be changed of Nathaniel’s comfort were to be assured.

Sheets changed, Kiegan put in a order for food. That accomplished he set about finding Nathaniel another set of cloths to put on, once again rummaging through his usual mess. He smiled again when he heard the shower turn on. Looked like the boy had managed to tear himself from his own thought long enough to step into the shower. He returned to his rummaging. He was actually rather proud of himself. He actually cleaned some of the chaos while looking for clean clothes.

Finding a set of clothes that met his criteria, he neatened the folds, placing them gently on the bed. The clothes were soft, bound to be comfortable. Nathaniel could sleep comfortably in those. That, or simply relax in the room. His head jerked to the door when he heard a soft tap. He padded over to the door sliding it open softly. His face lit up when he saw the tray of food. “Thank-you” He took the tray, re-entering the room. A thought suddenly occurred to him driving him to once again rummage around in the room.

He smiled victoriously when he came up with a piece of paper and pen. Hastily scribbling, he folded the note and placed it on the tray. Getting up, he slipped silently out of the room, leaving the tray behind. When Nathaniel exited the bathroom he found a clean set of clothing folded neatly, lying on the clean sheets of the bed. Beside the bed, on the bedside table, lay the tray with food. Various assorted fresh fruits and a warm bowl of soup were on the tray accompanied by fresh orange juice and the note. Written on the note, in rather rough primitive Japanese characters (Hiragana and Katakana) was : Please enjoy the food. I will be back a little later. Make sure you eat and sleep… Kiegan:

[Deleted]

Silence. When Nathaniel stepped out of the bathroom, he was met with silence. he had been sure Kiegan would be there when he stepped out of the room, but he wasn't. It somehow made him uneasy to be all alone. He hated being alone. You'd think he'd be used to being all alone, but somehow, his heart was hurting right now. At first, he was extremely frightened. Was he having some sort of heart attack? Had all those French fries and greasy foods finally caught up with him? He tried to convince himself there was no way to get a heart attack at fifteen, but he wasn't sure about that. Then he realized that he felt fine and it was more of a feeling than an illness. It was...like he was missing something. There was a hole in his heart and he wanted to make it go away.

It was another emotion. He felt a bit of anger. Why weren't they going away? Shouldn't his emotions be going away by now? Were they still there even without Kiegan's presence? He just wanted to lead a normal life. Everything was already planned out. He'd live with his parents until he turned eighteen and then he'd marry any girl his father picked for him. He'd be useful to his family and bring them more wealth and power. Life had been simple when he had known what was going to happen. Everything wasn’t scary when someone made your decisions for you. If something went wrong, you could blame someone else. It was easier to think it was what you wanted instead of doubting your choices and taking risks.

His own weakness made him sick. Nathaniel was angry. Was he such a child that he couldn’t spend five minutes alone? He had always been alone. Even when he was little, he was always alone. Everyone always left him behind. It seemed the world had turned its back on him, but he didn’t care. He had never complained about anything before. When his parents had given his siblings praise and scorned him for not being special, he had smiled. When everyone at school had decided he wasn’t worth their time, he had smiles. Even when he had felt as though the darkness was dragging him in a hell called loneliness, he had smiled. But, it seemed that he had run out of smiles. As more time passed, he had smiled less and less. He had stopped speaking to people, listening to what they said, caring about what they thought. It came to the point he had even stopped looking into mirrors. He had become his own worst enemy. The things people told him were nothing compared to what he thought of himself. He was the person he hated the most.

Nathaniel looked at the clothes on the bed. He knew they wouldn’t fit him, but he put them on anyway. He hated being so scrawny. He was practically a toothpick. His brother, Nathan, told him he had no figure. Nathan was the second youngest sibling in the house. He was very athletic and about five times bigger than he was. His brother wasn’t exactly stupid, but he wasn’t the smartest person around. Sometimes, Nathaniel wished he was like him. Nathan was strong. People around school feared him and even though he was technically a bully, people also loved them. He brought them victory in any sport he played. Personally, he didn’t see anything so special about him…but…everyone else seemed to really like him. Nathaniel would give anything to be liked. He wanted to be special too. It seemed like Kiegan thought he was something special. He wasn’t, but this man had somehow gotten it through his head that he was. This made Nathaniel confused. What did this man see that no one else saw?

What was that smell? Food? Yes… Beside the bed was a tray of food. His stomach growled and he was glad no one was around to hear the embarrassing sounds. This feeling only lasted for a second. He didn’t want to be alone… He choked back the tears and walked over to the tray. He picked up something and put it in his mouth. He fought to keep it down and ate some more. He ate enough to keep his stomach from making any more sounds, but not a bite more. He didn’t really feel like eating, he just did it to keep his stomach from hurting and his head from feeling lightheaded. He noticed the note next to the food. He could feel those tears coming back into his eyes. Where was he? Did he have something better to do? Was he not good enough to receive Kiegan’s full attention? He knew he was being stupid. He had only known the man for a short amount of time and it would be unfair to expect the man to always be there, but that didn’t stop the tears from falling down his face. The brunette sunk to the floor, his knees no longer able to support him. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying, but he was and he couldn’t seem to stop.

Nathaniel knew he must have looked like a moron at the moment. He was sitting in on the floor, crying. His eyes were turning a puffy red and he was hiccupping to top it all off. His head was starting to hurt and he couldn’t make the water stop falling down his cheeks. Why was he feeling this way? Why did everything hurt? He was calling out for something, but he couldn’t seem to figure out what. Maybe...no! It couldn't be...but...maybe...it'd go away...if Kiegan came back... No! He couldn't start thinking that way! If he did, he was sure he'd fall in love.

[kiegan]

Kiegan, feeling he had given the boy enough time and space to get cleaned up and eat, carefully approached the hotel room door. Pausing in the hallway, he took a deep breath shifting. He ran a hand though his hair nervously further messing up its already dishevelled state. He reached for the door handle, opening it carefully lest the boy be sleeping already.

His careful motion was quickly forgotten, however. Spotting the sobbing boy upon the floor, he rushed forward, tripping in his haste. Changing his awkward fall into a smooth roll, Kiegan was back on his feet in seconds and by the boy’s side not much later.

Grabbing the silently sobbing figure, Kiegan sat down heavily on the ground, settling Nathan in his lap. He held the boy close, feeling the salty tears leave trails in his clothes. He gently rocked the boy. “It’s alright. Really honey, it’s alright. What happened? I’m sorry. Please don’t cry anymore.”

Feelings of confusion rolled through him. What could have happened in such a short time to make the boy cry so? He hadn’t been gone very long. His mind had told him he was a fool to have come back so soon. That the boy needed time, privacy. However, his heart had insisted otherwise, demanding that he not leave the boys side even if the boy demanded he do so. And so he had rushed back, only to find the boy sobbing. He was confused. What could have happened? Had he hurt the boy that badly?

He flinched violently at that thought, hands clenching tightly in the clothes on Nathaniel’s back. He didn’t want to believe that. It hurt to even contemplate that. However he remembered how the boy had run from him. Remembered how Nathaniel had locked himself in the bathroom almost as if he were afraid of Kiegan. That had been the reason he had left. To give the boy space, to show Nathaniel that he wasn’t a threat.

Maybe he should let the boy go. Maybe he would just hurt the boy further with his persistence to cling to him so. These hurtful thoughts continued to run though his mind, logic demanding that he heed their warning. However, yet again, his rebellious heart insisted otherwise. He continued to cling to the sobbing figure, apologising for he knew not what. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please believe me.” He pleaded on a whisper.

[Deleted]

“You’re clumsy…” Nathaniel stated simply. “…and I wasn’t crying! I-I fifteen, I’m not a child! There’s nothing wrong either…”

Nathaniel felt the heat rise to his cheeks a bit when he realized he was in Kiegan’s lap. He had never sat in anyone’s lap before and though it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was making him a bit nervous. He could feel the man’s heartbeat against his cheek. The man was rocking him back and forth. Nathaniel felt safe again. He knew he was getting the man’s clothes wet and any other time, he would have pulled away. Hell, any other time he wouldn’t have been this close to another person.

He wasn’t sure why he had started to cry. Maybe he had been scared to be alone, or thought that Kiegan had gone back on his word and left him. He had always been afraid to be alone. Even though he knew it was completely stupid, he was afraid of being alone. He’d been alone for a very long time now and he was sure he had gotten over his fears, but it seems he had been wrong. When Kiegan had first told him all those things and made him feel wanted, he had been confused and suspicious. Why would anyone waste their time on him? It wasn’t like he was anything special. It seemed like Kiegan had decided to prove him otherwise, though, and it seems it had worked. Nathaniel was starting to believe him. He was starting to believe that they were mean to be together like Kiegan had said.

Nathaniel wanted to tell Kiegan he believed him, but he couldn’t seem to make the words come out. He wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault he was crying and that he didn’t want to be alone. This was why he had run away and locked himself in the bathroom. He had been scared and confused. The words had become stuck in his throat and his feelings were a big mess. He didn’t know how to express himself and always ended up embarrassing himself more than anything else.

Nathaniel could feel Kiegan cling to him. It was like the man was trying hard to hold onto him, emotionally and physically. The teen buried his face in Kiegan’s chest and his sobs became muffled. Eventually, he stopped crying. His eyes were still red, though. Nathaniel pulled back a little and looked up at Kiegan.

“If…I asked for something…” the boy mumbled softly. “Would you give it to me? Because…I want… Um…”

The words seemed stuck in his throat again. He was blushing. He knew what he was about to ask was something that was out of character for him. He had never asked for something like this before and he was afraid Kiegan would say no.

“Will you…give me my first kiss?” He asked finally.

Nathaniel lowered his head again, his face probably as read as a tomato. He was embarrassed again. Here he was, sitting in the lap of someone he hardly knew, asking for a kiss. Not just any kiss, his first one. He knew your first kiss was the most important and he’d never thought he’d ever find someone he’d actually want to kiss. Maybe…maybe Kiegan was supposed to be the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with.

Nathaniel didn't understand why he was asking this. Maybe it was his way of making the man prove to him that he wasn't lying, or maybe he just wanted Kiegan to show him how much he loved him. THe reason behind this didn't matter. What mattered was that he had asked. Even though he wasn't sure why, he had just asked this man to kiss him.

[kiegan]

Kiegan was looking rather sheepish when Nathaniel accused him of being clumsy. He pulled a wry face. He knew he was clumsy. That and disorganized, but he didn’t really mind. It was who he was and he had long since come to terms with his own flaws. He made no comment as to the blatant lie coming from the boy’s lips. The one where he declared he was not crying.

The evidence to the contrary was rather damning… He couldn’t understand why the boy was so ashamed of the tears. There was nothing wrong with allowing your emotions to show once in a while. It was what you did afterwards that made the difference, not the actual moment of weakness itself. Kiegan was not shamed of tears. He’d cried many in his life time. It didn’t necessarily mean one was weak…

So… he continued to hold the boy, allowing him his lie in order to let the emotional relief the tears were giving Nathaniel to continue. He jerked in surprise when Nathaniel asked him if he would grant the boy what he desired. Of course he would! Nathaniel was his mate and so long as Nathaniel’s request didn’t hurt anyone, Kiegan saw no reason he should not grant it. Kiegan would do anything to ensure the boys happiness.

However, what surprised him more than Nathaniel actually asking for something was the actual request itself… Kiegan turned blood red. His heart leapt in joy, contradicting his tomato impression. He chewed on his lip nervously, watching Nathaniel cautiously just in case he would see hesitation and regret on the boys features…

Finding neither, he leant in to place a slow gentle kiss on the boy’s lips, neither demanding nor taking, giving the boy ample opportunity to pull away should he so desire. Pulling away, he once again gave Nathaniel a sheepish look, nervously clearing his throat.

Before Nathaniel had time to actually react, Kiegan reached over to roughly ruffle Nathaniel’s hair in an attempt to hide his own awkwardness. “You really should eat your food, you know… You need it. That and rest. We don’t want you collapsing again do we?”

[Deleted]

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” Nathaniel bluntly asked.

The teen had to admit, it had been amusing to watch as the man’s face turn a nice shade of red. Nathaniel was no longer blushing and he had long gotten over his embarrassment, but it seemed like Kiegan was shy. Nathaniel had never been a shy person. Sure he didn’t speak often and avoided being touched, but that didn’t mean he was shy. He had always been a quiet person and the only reason he didn’t socialize was because he always ended up getting picked on by someone. Nathaniel wondered if Kiegan blushed easily. If it was true and they were supposed to be mates, shouldn’t it be natural to do things like these? He supposed he was too young for things to go very far, but it wasn’t like he hated the idea of being touched by Kiegan.

Growing up in an environment that wasn’t very affectionate made Nathaniel a bit distant when it came to being around others. He hadn’t really thought of being close to another person before. In fact, he had thought he was going to die all alone. It was silly to think that way, but he’d always though he was meant to be alone. Sometimes, it rally had felt that way. But now, it seems he had found someone to spend the rest of his life with. This was odd. For one thing, the man was much older. He hadn’t really seen it as a problem, but others might. Age had never really been an issue with him. But, then again, his parents would have a fit.

Even though they weren’t very close, his parents felt a need to butt into his life during the most inappropriate times. He was sure they’d make some sort of protest. They’d rant about how Kiegan was a man and too old for him. He figured they’d get a restraining order and ask embarrassing questions. He sighed. It seemed like his parents really were trying to ‘ruin his life’ as other teenagers put it.

“My parents…will hate you…” he stated simply.

He needed to get home, but he didn’t want to leave. Then again, his parents weren’t home yet. He wasn’t sure when they’d be back. They never said how long they’d take. His siblings were all probably home by now and if he wasn’t there, they’d freak out. According to them, he never left the house and lived in his room. It was horribly untrue, but that’s what they thought. It was pure coincidence that he was always home when they were. He wondered what they’d say if he brought home a man…

[kiegan]

Kiegan blushed further, chewing his lip in a more agitated manner when Nathaniel asked if he had made him uncomfortable. He honestly didn’t know what one did in a situation like this… Before he had found his mate he hadn’t even ‘thought’ of kissing anyone. He preferred acting the therapist, helping everyone as best he could. That usually involved him being his usual bouncy self and doing his best to show people the good things in life.

Never before in his entire life had anyone affected him as violently as this boy had. Since meeting Nathaniel, he had gone through so many mood swings. Usually he was the ‘stable’ one and now he seemed to have violent swings between euphoria and depression with every word that came out of the boy’s mouth. What’s more, he had an urge to protect this boy no matter what the personal cost. He continued to chew his lip, thinking that perhaps when it came to this, Nathaniel was older and more experienced than he himself. That was a rather frightening thought actually.

He looked despondent when Nathaniel declared that his parents would hate him. He so wanted to spend the rest of his life with the boy. “I’m sorry.” Kiegan released his lip from the torment he had been inflicting upon it to stare sadly at the boy. “If you would prefer, I will stay out of your life but please just consider one thing… When you are old enough to decide for yourself, will you at least remember and consider me?”

[Deleted]

Nathaniel thought about the man’s words. It seemed this person wanted to be with him, but also wanted to respect his wishes. He respected that, but he did not like the way Kiegan was giving up so easily. He leaned forward and sent Kiegan toppling over. The boy was straddling the other and staring down at the man, his blue eyes boring into his mates’.

“Are you implying that I am some sort of child?” He asked with a small smirk. “Are you willing to give up so easily? Am I not worth fighting for? Are you willing to let me go this easily? Perhaps it is better for us to not be together if you would so easily give me up.”

He meant what he said. It seemed like Kiegan was very concerned with his age and didn’t see that age didn’t matter to him. He didn’t consider himself an adult, but he wasn’t a child either. He didn’t like to be labeled in any way. After all, he knew people that were much older than he was who acted like they were five. The stupidity of some people amazed him sometimes. Still, he didn’t like the way Kiegan assumed he was childish because of his age. He was mature enough to understand what Kiegan wanted and that the other was trying to be careful with him.

Kiegan was a pushover. He seemed so kind and not capable of hurting others. Nathaniel wanted someone that could protect him. It wasn’t like he was weak, but he wanted someone to lean on and be there for him. When he wanted to be, Nathaniel could be an aggressive person. He was used to always having it all and he had never wanted something as much as he wanted this person right now. It was a bit selfish of him and he was acting spoiled, but he expected to have what he wanted. All sorts of emotions were raging in him. He didn’t want Kiegan to leave him. If he found someone else, he’d be all alone again. There were better people in the world and he wasn’t ready to lose to one of them. But it seemed that no matter how hard he tried, Kiegan only backed down.

He hadn’t meant for the comment about his parents to hurt, it was just a fact. His parents would be an obstacle. They had never been fond or anyone any of his siblings brought home and he was sure they’d like Kiegan even less because he was male. His parents had always been such judgmental people. They never took the time to get to know others and passed judgment based on appearance. He didn’t want Kiegan taken away from him. He just didn’t want to be all alone.

[kiegan]

Kiegan growled, sounding very much like a ruffled cat. He did not like the way this boy was misinterpreting all his efforts. He quickly changed their positions, rolling abruptly over so it was now him who was on top of the boy. “Stop misinterpreting everything I say and do. I wasn’t implying you are not old enough to make your own decisions. You just seem like you don’t appreciate my interference. Is it so wrong of me to respect your wishes? I never said I wanted to give you up. However, I refuse to take what is not freely given. There are two options for me as I see it. Either you accept me and I can remain directly by your side, or you reject me and I spend the rest of my life protecting you while remaining in the shadows. I never said I’d leave you. I would die if I did!”

Kiegan continued to stare at the boy, eyes narrowed in frustrated displeasure. His mate was frustrating him no end. He couldn’t read the boy. He couldn’t read what the boy expected of him and this left him in a sea of confusing emotion and never ending frustration. He wanted to give his mate everything his mate desired. Wanted to do everything right. Only he did not know what was expected and had no idea how to give his mate what his mate needed, wanted when he couldn’t even ‘define’ what that might be…

It seemed his concern was unappreciated and that stung him to the core. His entire life had been centered around trying to help people, in being there for them and now it was being thrown back into his face as a weakness. “Kindness and respect for another is not a weakness.” Kiegan continued, urged on by the sharp hurt such an implication had given him. “It doesn’t mean one is unwilling to fight. Life is not all about dominance. Somewhere in the equation one should find respect for other people’s decisions. I can but offer you the choices. I cannot however force you to choose.”

[Deleted]

Nathaniel was frustrated. No matter what he did, this person didn’t understand what it was he wanted. He did want to give himself to Kiegan, he was just too proud to say it out loud. He didn’t want to seem any more of a child than he already did in Kiegan’s eyes. It seemed like no matter what he said; Kiegan didn’t understand what he wanted from him. It wasn’t like the thought of having the other dominate him was unappealing, but his age always seemed to get in the way. It also seemed like Kiegan was also misinterpreting things.

Nathaniel also narrowed his eyes at his mate. He was becoming more and more frustrated with the man. He reached out and grabbed the back of the man’s head. He pulled the other’s face down and crushed their lips together. Why couldn’t Kiegan see that all he needed was him? As long as he wasn’t alone, he didn’t care bout anything else. How much cleared did he have to make himself? He was already practically throwing himself at the man and he still didn’t understand. Nathaniel pulled back when the need to breath became too much for him. He was gasping for breath and staring up at Kiegan.

“You’re the one that can’t seem to understand,” muttered the brunette. “Have I not made my intentions clear by now? Why do you keep distancing yourself? You’re the one that can’t accept my answer. Why must you insist on giving me a choice when I have already replied to your question?”

Relationship were hard, at least that’s what he’d heard. He supposed this was true. You had to make an effort and do your best. Things weren’t always perfect and there had to be communication between two people. Right now, he wasn’t communicating very well with Kiegan. It seemed they weren’t on the same page and it was confusing him to no end. Why did the other insist on making this all so hard? He supposed he wasn’t making things easier, but he had never been one to be patient. He could sometimes be so direct it confused people. Other times, he was too subtle. He could never really use words correctly. Right now, he wished he had some way to make Kiegan understand what he was feeling. He couldn’t seem to be able to tell the other what was in his heart and it was driving him nuts.

[kiegan]

“Because you keep sending me mixed signals.” Kiegan whispered, his breath dancing lightly over Nathaniel’s lips. “Every time I say I will protect you, you either run or say something to push me away. I don’t know if you want me to stay or want me to leave. When I stay, you run and hide and when I leave you cry and act as if I have abandoned you. What am I supposed to think?”

He moved his face down in order to rest his forehead against Nathaniel’s. “Why must having a mate be so confusing?” He whispered on his exhaled breath which practically merged with the boy’s to create a single mixture of shared air. “Why are you hurting so much? Why are you so afraid? Why don’t you value yourself half as much as I value you?”

Whispered questions urged on by confusion escaped his lips. All the things that were confusing him, hurting him on his mate’s behalf. “Please stay with me…” Kiegan raised his head to stare at Nathaniel pleadingly. “You can still stay at home if you want. Study, visit friends, but please stay with me forever. I know you want to. We can work something out. I will find a job; I will learn your customs. I will adapt.”